30 days of Encouraging Your Husband Series | Days 13-15

If you are just joining us for this series, I introduced a book that takes you through a 30 day time period of encouraging your husband. Using the publication below from "Revive Our Hearts Ministries", I am chronicling my progress for you.  It's kind of like you're reading my diary as I go through each day! 

 I've already shared my results for days 1 through 3 , days 4 though 6,  days 7 through 9, and days 10 through 12.  Today I will be sharing my results for days 13 through 15.

 

If you decide that this is something worthwhile for you and your man, go through these 30 days as a kind of experiment to see what happens in your relationship.

  It is online for free! 

Here is your virtual copy of the book!  

(The link is simply all 30 challenges in one place.  An easy thing to print off and hide in your own journal while you go through it)!

Day 13

Challenge:  Don't say anything negative to or about your husband - to him or to anyone else.

The sexual relationship. It's one of those elements—along with money and children—that can derail a marriage through negative comments. Negativity destroys intimacy, but encouragement builds and strengthens the marriage bond.

Let's get practical here. Is your husband a "good lover"? Have you told him so? Be specific. Let him know when he pleases you. Most husbands genuinely want to please their wives, especially in this important area of marriage.

In moments of intimacy, do you find your mind wandering? This can change as you focus on something wonderful about your husband. Realize that your husband wants intimacy with you . . . his desire is toward you.

Does this area of your marriage need some work? Remember that this is a sensitive area for men. Be sure to encourage his lovemaking and masculinity in positive ways.

Action:   I am not going to go into detail on this one, (thank goodness, you say), but I will say that I said today and almost always do tell Jesse how much I like this aspect of our relationship.  Not only is it enjoyable, but I also believe that sex is both a result of and a producer of intimacy within a couple.  Did you catch that?  It’s both a result of and a producer of intimacy within a couple.  Obviously, when things are going well in the relationship, the desire for sexual intimacy grows, but you can also come to feel closer to your spouse BY the sexual intimacy happening.  I find this to be true in our marriage.  I also rarely if ever deny Jesse.  I think this helps things quite a bit.  He doesn’t have to worry about rejection.  I think that produces more confidence and in turn more satisfaction out of our love life as a whole.

Results: As I explained above, communicating my enjoyment of sex and not denying it makes for a confident and satisfied love life.

(Has this gotten awkward enough yet?  Let’s move on).

Day 14

Challenge:  Don't say anything negative to or about your husband - to him or to anyone else.

Every week there are news reports about men who gave in to temptations and compromised what they said they believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden infidelity, and hypocritical leaders. It's so easy to focus on these things and ignore those who are being honest, faithful and genuine. As you continue in the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," determine to look for ways that your husband stands against the culture.

Is your spouse a man of integrity? Is he fair in his dealings with people? Does he understand the meaning of justice? Is he honest in business? Unhypocritical in his faith? Consider all the ways a man can live in integrity, and praise your husband for one of them. As you have the opportunity—as it is appropriate—share examples of your husband's honesty and integrity with others.

Action:   My husband’s integrity is best demonstrated in the following example.  We were gifted a car by his grandfather after he (grandpa) stopped driving.  When we went to the DMV to get the license plates, title, and registration changed, there was a $300 difference in taxes we would own if we checked one box on the forms versus another.  The man working at the DMV said we could easily have claimed the option that would have proven to be cheaper for us, but it was not the truth.  Jesse was the first one to speak up and say that we weren’t going to do it.  We would pay the extra money.

Jesse is the kind of man who values truth and would rather be honest and suffer some discomfort than hide the truth to make it easier.  This has translated into our conflict style as well.  When a touchy subject comes up, I am prone to shut down and distain talking about it, but Jesse doesn’t let me get away with that.  I need a person like him.  Although I am forced out of my comfort zone more often, I am grateful for his pursuit of the truth because it helps me get better at talking about the hard stuff.

Results:   Jesse’s grandfather (Papa) was actually the one to bring up the example of Jesse’s honesty in the taxes.  That action impressed Papa because it showed that Jesse and I intend to handle money in general with integrity.  Although I did not see a direct reaction out of Jesse when we talked about this, I know that our acknowledgement of  his good decision encouraged him to continue to live with integrity.

Day 15

Challenge:  Don't say anything negative to or about your husband - to him or to anyone else.

Sometimes we live so close to our spouse that we fail to see him as others do; we only see our husband's faults. But take a step back. Perhaps he is growing spiritually in ways you have failed to appreciate. How can you encourage his growth in a fresh, new way? Remember—your husband is accountable to God for his spiritual development. You are accountable to God to encourage and not hinder that growth.

Can you identify an area of spiritual strength in your husband? Does he pray or read his Bible regularly? Does he like to read about or discuss spiritual matters? Does he go to church with you? Is he a spiritual leader? What do others say about him? If you can identify a specific area, praise him for that. If not, pray earnestly that God will work in his heart, and watch for signs of spiritual growth in the future.

Action:   I have been blessed to be able to watch my husband take over a large role in leading a church ministry in recent months, and watching him use the gifts God has given him in leadership, teaching, visionary thinking, and wisdom has made me admire him all the more.  I verbalized to him what a great job I thought he was doing at church and how cool it is to me to see his giftedness in action. 

Results:  I have not always been the best at giving my husband feedback after he gets up and gives a message or does anything where he puts himself out there.  I guess I don’t want to say something that sounds trite or canned, but I am learning through this challenge that there are so many ways to word your admiration for your spouse; mentioning specific things they did in a way that doesn’t make your words sound cliché. 

My heart is again full of appreciation and admiration for my husband.  I am definitely “feeling the love”.

(Happy Valentines Day, by the way)!

Stay tuned for days 16, 17, and 18 of the challenge tomorrow.