My So Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife

{We've got a pretty long post today, girls.  Stick with me, though!  Hopefully you will be encouraged}.

I first heard about this book from my wonderful friend Suzanne, who suggested it and thought it would be a great fit for the content of this blog. 

Since the time she first told me about it, I've subsequently heard it advertised around here and there, so I'm thinking a review is in order.

Looking at the cover of the book, you read "A one year experiment, and it's surprising results".  I wondered what the surprising part would be, and then I had to ask myself, "What do I expect the results to be?"

The answer to that question was the idea of the wife being extremely intentional about serving her family, working hard in all she does, and be all around a greater and more amazing person, and her husband falling more deeply in love with her than ever, and her whole life being just glorious. 

If that was my underlying hypothesis, what would the actual results be?

I opened up the book to find out.

Sara writes very well; as many talented writers do she effortlessly communicates in a conversational and well-worded manner.  You can spend just a few nights and make it through the book without a problem.

Her format is basically a journal through the year of her experiment to see if she could live and be just like the woman described in Proverbs chapter 31.  In case you are unfamiliar with the passage, here is what is described there.  Take a look at the standards Sara set out to live up to:

¹⁰ An excellent wife who can find?

   She is far more precious than jewels.

¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,

   and he will have no lack of gain.

¹² She does him good, and not harm,

   all the days of her life.

¹³ She seeks wool and flax,

   and works with willing hands.

¹⁴ She is like the ships of the merchant;

   she brings her food from afar.

¹⁵ She rises while it is yet night

   and provides food for her household

   and portions for her maidens.

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;

   with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

¹⁷ She dresses herself with strength

   and makes her arms strong.

¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

   Her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹ She puts her hands to the distaff,

   and her hands hold the spindle.

²⁰ She opens her hand to the poor

   and reaches out her hands to the needy.

²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,

   for all her household are clothed in scarlet.^[f]

²² She makes bed coverings for herself;

   her clothing is fine linen and purple.

²³ Her husband is known in the gates

   when he sits among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them;

   she delivers sashes to the merchant.

²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,

   and she laughs at the time to come.

²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,

   and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household

   and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;

   her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ “Many women have done excellently,

   but you surpass them all.”

³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,

   and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31: 10-31, English Standard Version

At the beginning of her journey to live these verses out, Sara confesses to having some real issues with this "standard" seemingly put forth in order to be the ideal wife.  Why is it that men have a few basic commands laid out in the book of Ephesians to follow in order to be a good husband and women have this laundry list of 24 + items that encompass SO much?  

Look at what is described.  A woman who works hard for her family, who looks after her household, who wakes up early, who sews garments, who is a businesswoman, who creates wealth for her family by selling garments,who does her husband good all the days of her life, who gets praised at the city gate because she is so great.

This caricature is bothersome to many women out there because it makes them feel so inadequate compared to this woman.  Sara was definitely bothered by the idea of this being the standard, but nevertheless, she took it upon herself to document her one year journey of attempting to be this kind of woman.

She starts off taking inventory of her home, doing some deep cleaning and organizing, then moves into preparing more thought-out, healthy meals for her family, (all while working full time out of her home), then focusing on "bringing her husband good, not harm" by reading The Love Dare and following it's plan for intentionally showing love to your spouse over the course of 40 or so days.

As she did these things, she noticed some payoffs such as her husband affirming her more, thanking her for her hard work for their family, feeling the satisfaction of a job well done at home, and enjoying the benefits of cooking at home for her family at least semi-regularly.

The problem for Sara, however, was that she was not only a military wife, subject to her husband Cliff being gone training or deployed for months and months at a time, she was also forced to go back to work (not out of her home), halfway through the experiment of living out the Proverbs 31 life.  Not only did she have to go back to work, she and her family had to move to another state for her to start this new job.  How was she going to be able to find time and energy to be the domestic diva she believed was presented in Proverbs?  What about learning to sew, focusing on her relationships with her husband and child?  She repeatedly reports feeling like a total failure.

At the end of her year's experiment, she looks back on the aspects of her endeavor that were wonderful, helpful to her marriage and her as a person, and overall positive.  She also looks back over the failures she experienced.

She comes to a conclusion about it all that you can read all about when you get the book.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Now, the obvious truth is that nobody can fully embody the Proverbs 31 woman.  It is impossible to be it all, do it all, and have it all going on at all times.  It just is.  The question we need to ask, then, is "Is Proverbs 31 prescriptive?" Does it prescribe behavior?  Or is it "descriptive", explaining a set of principles without the implicit command to replicate exactly what it says in our own lives?

I was talking to a pastor friend of mine about this, and he told me that the likelihood is that what is described in Proverbs 31 was not a real woman at all, but an embodiment of all that was just taught in the rest of the book of Proverbs.  The whole book of Proverbs is about wisdom.  How to live wisely as opposed to the way of fools.  In fact, earlier in the book of proverbs, (chapter 7) an "adulterous woman", or a woman that will deceive and bring the young son to ruin, is described.  It is possible that the end cap on the Proverbs is there to serve as a contrasting image to the opposite one described earlier.

If that is true, it takes a lot of pressure off, hmm?

The overarching idea of this description is  "A wife of noble character".  (It is the heading or title of this section of verses in many Bibles).

The only other place in the Bible that the term "A wife of noble character" is used is to describe Ruth.  My friend suggested that, to look at the "ideal" wife, look at Ruth instead of looking at the laundry list of items in Proverbs 31.  

What characterizes Ruth's life?  If you've never read through the book of Ruth, it is a good refresher to go through it with eyes to notice how she was as a woman and as a wife.  

Here are a few highlights of Ruth's story that seemingly describe her as a wife (or woman) of noble character:

- She was extremely loyal.  She followed her mother-in-law out of the land they were living in to go to a new land with a new people group who feared God as opposed to her homeland where God was not worshipped.

-She believed God.  Her whole life seemed to be an exercise in trusting in the Hebrew God.  She was willing to put her life in the hands of her mother-in-law, (and really God) as her highest calling.  She was full of faith.  

-She took care of people.  She cared for her husband before he died, and cared for her mother-in-law for the rest of her life.  She cared for Boaz as her new husband in the end.  Her heart was to serve and care for others.

-She was extremely hardworking.  She worked hard in the fields collecting the remnants of the harvest for her and her mother-in-law to be able to survive.  Hardworking is really a huge part of the idea in Proverbs 31 too.  To be a "noble wife", work hard at what God gives you to do.  Do things well.  Do them wholeheartedly.  

Looking at the Proverbs 31 passage in this light is freeing for me.  God has placed standards in the Bible not for us to feel sorry for ourselves because we can't meet them perfectly, but to give us something to strive for, and almost as a promise of what we can be with His help.  He isn't requiring us to make it happen by ourselves, He gives us the grace, strength, and capability to live in the ways He has called us to.  We will never "arrive" at a place in which we are perfect all the time, but He only calls us to trust Him and be fully "in" with what He's given us now.

What are your thoughts?  This was a big concept.  I'd love to know what your reactions are!

Have a wonderful day, ladies.  Try to read Ruth soon.  Ask God to give you a stronger and abiding faith in who He is, a loyalty and care for those around you, and a hardworking spirit to honor Him with your time and energy.  Rely on Him to make you into that woman and/or wife OF NOBLE CHARACTER.